july 8th

july 8, 2020

sometimes i feel joy so striking it sneaks up on me, through my spine. how in one instant reality squeezes itself into a song, and i wring out a splendid melody, out of thin air. they say the cinema is you. and the movie. and the film. and that’s a reality i have come to know, quite fondly. the magic moment is brewing. since yesterday, and the day before that one too. it’s always there. even when you are sweating in your room wondering why you will never do anything. sometimes i wonder if i can see it. if i could catch it, real quick. it’s sparse particles in the oxygen before me waiting to form. ready to rush through my phone as a call. or through my laptop as a text. or through you as a feeling. the one where you know something is real and there’s no way you could live without it. encased in this still summer, recalling memories from the past year on these same days like an aged trophy case in a once champion high school. we are behind us. and for once, summer must be still. i don’t like a still summer because it simply doesn’t exist. i always complained how summer went on too quickly. leaving me behind, before i could visit each rooftop each ruby drink and each roaming midnight. now all i have is space and time. and summer is different, but it feels like the one i’ve wanted all along. slow. sensuous. divine. yet in solitude. i don’t know how i feel about that one yet. you’ll have to get back to me in the fall.